About lovemychildren

Ok I am here to give support, not financially though I would if I could.  First let me say I have recently taken in 3 children temporarily without any aide.  We have to pay for everything for them.  We did this as their mother is having some problems and CPS got involved.  I already have 5 children.  We have about $20000 in debt that we occurred over the years.   It was way worse as we have paid it down a lot this past year.  Just last year my husband and I split (more on that later) and I was on welfare with assistance with daycare.  He paid child support and had been for two years but with that many kids I was still able to get help for daycare. My husband and I have gotten back together.   I took a second job for 4 months beginning in January ending in April planning on saving and quitting my job to stay home this summer with my kids.  Not that my job isn't great but its an hour away and I will never be able to promote.  Its a small company with nowhere for me to go.  My plans were to stay home this summer because for four kids in daycare(ages 9,7,7,6) (one is 15) and now possible another for one of the other three kids is 10(just have to wait and see about her mom but they said they could possibly stay with us up to 6months), Anyway now no assistance as since my husband and I got back together the only thing we are eligible for is the insurance(Texas Medicaid/Chips) we make about 35000.00 together.  Anyway daycare plus gas would be almost my whole check, not to mention wear and tear.  So my plan was stay home this summer (In all of my childrens lives I have never gotten to stay home with them for more than a week vacation, so I have to say I have been so excited, I got close last year but my husband had mild heart attackand lost all of his overtime they planned to give him plus had to take it easy, then he got hurt at work). Anyway so I had planned to then try and do some babysitting in the summer, then when school starts back see if I can substitute at some of the local schools, clean houses etc..  Did I mention I have been working on my accounting degree since 2002.  So I am in my third year now and taking 9semester hours, this semester.

 Anyway now I am kinda worried that I won't get to stay home.  I already paid baseball fees, bought the gear and was looking forward to a summer with them.  Not sure though how I will be able to work though either but the savings I had from this second job was suppose to last for the summer.  Though already I am seeing it deplete with the extra money, for the 3 kids we took in, for after school events, pictures at school, their baseball fees, groceries, groceries, oh did I say groceries. So again I am not sure the solution to this as the daycare will still be as much as my pay check plus who will get the kids to their ball.  But anyway I am trying not to complain because (and here is where the support comes in!!!!!) we are still are in a pretty good place compared to the last 2 1/2 years.

Ok 2005 my husband and I were already on shaky ground when we lost our son.  He was shot.  My eleven year old baby taken by an idiot.  It was an idiotic thing that happened and he is in jail for involuntary manslaughter but I still cant believe how one stupid thing caused this much pain in mine, my babies, husband, and families lives, but it did.  Then my husband and I fell completely apart.  I was mad I missed all this time with my son, he wouldn't talk to me, we just drove a wedge between us.  At this time my children were 3,4,4,6,13.  So it was sad for all of us.  Then I was sick with depression for a while, not long because I had my other kids to get me going.  But it wasn't good while I had it..  I then decided I was going to quit my job as a manager working 50 to 60 hours a week, a job I hate now because for seven years it was my child and it kept me from home too much.  So I quit it proudly, with another job under my belt, dont get me wrong I know I had to work, never in my life have I not worked.  But you will never believe 6 days later my house burned down.  Yep burned down, I was atonished.  The only insurance we had (because this was the first home my husband and I bought neither of us knowing anything) was 15,000 which barely covered what we owed the bank for.  So here I am at a job making half what  I use to with nothing, not one thing.  But then I thought yes ma'am you have your five babies.  So I said forget everything else and be happy.  Then my husbad (we were still seperated) he is only 39 then has a mild heart attack.  I realized that I can't live with out him.  We starting working on it.   Now we got a mortgage and a brand new home, we started over.  If it wasn't for my 20000 in debt I know I could stay home and raise my family, I'll be honest I never wanted that till I lost my son, I am ashamed of that and realize now my children were the most important in my life.  Now my goal is to finish my degree, work from home as a CPA, we even built a small two room and bathroom on one end of my house. I have a need to be home so bad sometimes I just want to quit my job.  I just have never been irresponsible so I keep going.   I know one day I will have that dream.  Right now I can't tell you (because I would never be able to finish) all of the other things that happened that 3 years ago by themselves seemed bad but once we lost our son I just didn't think of them that way. Even my home burned down wasn't that bad to me, other than I lost all of my babies stuff, including everything that belonged to my son that died including home movies,  I got pictures but no homemovies where I can hear his laugh, see his smile.  But I got him in my heart and a day doesn't go by.

So for all of you people out there having a hard time.  I know its bad when you have finacial problems, I hate it right now that I am spending my savings that would make it easy for me to stay home this summer.  But would I not help these children, who are scared and miss their mother, who don't know when they are going home, would I let them take then to a town 50 miles away to stay with people they don't know, to go to school where they never been.  I think not.  I am glad to help them and don't resent them at all.  I went to the Goodwill yesterday and found a bunch of Coleman water jugs for .99 cents, now I don't know if they will be with me this summer but I bought 8, one for each of the kids. These are the nice kind and I couldn't believe my luck, and the fact they had enough for all my kids well that was my sign to buy them.  Am I real religious, no but I am working on it.  I decided if I want to see my son again then I got to make it to heaven.  I wasn't ever a bad girl, but I sure wasn't as good as I could be.  So I look for signs and have faith God is taking care of us.